Boxed In(Part 1 of 2)

Another day, another dollar. Money was good. The job was not. Mark was here. Mark Kessleman, reasonably athletic sat behind a desk. His short auburn hair matched his ruggedly handsome face. His deep green eyes were expressive most of the time but not right now. Right now Mark was engaged in concentrating on a love interest. Whenever this happened he'd get this far off look. In fact Maggie from packaging told him he looked like he was conceiving some great epic in his head. Maggie wished she had that sort of intensity. Wasn't that what she said yesterday? "I wish I had that sort of intensity." Mark pushed the words passed his lips. They moved beyond hearing soon after, barely spoken. Mark thought it this time. 'I wish I had that sort of intensity.' He threw his pencil down on the sprawling desk. "I don't." Mark was talking to himself again. Of course no one around to hear so what did it matter? He began to type in the little boxes again. This order was nearly done. All Mark had to do all day was fill out order requests at the box company he worked at or write out paper work. That was all. The rest of the time, this time comprised hours, all he had to do was sit and think or read. He was allowed to bring books to work but Mark could not manage to read much of anything lately without thinking about his problem. The lunch bell rang for break. Mark decided to eat in the cafe' today. He did not want the bagged lunch of Apple and pork and beans.

Mark looked at his watch. Only thirty minutes gone since his return from lunch. Sitting in the blue chair he reclined. His work was done but the shift would not end for more than two hours. It gave him plenty of time to think. He'd entertained the idea once or twice. But that was months ago. Now it was no longer entertainment. He wanted it. Wanted it to happen. Soon it would be a need. Need. Yes, Mark had focused on it and altered it and changed it and thought on it and in truth become totally fascinated by his problem. Of course it was not a problem except in his own mind. But if he acted on it then it would be a real world problem. Was he willing to face those consequences? Maybe? He needed to take a step back and consider if all this could be repressed. He knew the answer...it was no.

Mark got up and locked the door to his office. The little cube on the second floor was totally closed off. No windows. He sat down in his chair again and began to go to that special place in his head where he was most happy. He tried to imagine it differently every time and so far he'd been able to do just that...

The light in the room was low. It was just the two of them. Mark would take his lover by the hand. The heat would make him happy. He could feel the compassion in the hand as he touched it. Warm compassion but also strength. He'd draw him near and whisper into his ear. "I love you." Bryan would pull back shocked and take away his hand...

Well, Mark shook off the failed daydream, that sucked. Mark had a problem sometimes imagining the two of them together. The reasons this happened was because Bryan thought that Mark was in love, or really liked, someone else. That was a lie. Bryan also had a girlfriend. And finally and most important, in a way, was that Mark had not told Bryan how he felt. His friend did not know the real Mark. He'd toyed with telling him many times so far. Just tell him and it will all be in the open. The fantasies were one thing but he actually wanted it now. He and Bryan had known one another for some time and Bryan had not a clue how Mark really felt.
Mark had hung out at a few gay bars early on but found that most people liked skinny, cute and uncomplicated guys. Not Mark. The bars were not his thing and the idea of going got old quick. His ideal guy was different, it was Bryan.

Bryan was unconventionally handsome. Heavyset, sure with a bit of a rough and tumble exterior, but he carried it well. His beard was full too and made him all the more manly to Mark. And Mark liked manly rather than boyish. Often he noticed Bryan's hands and how they appeared somewhat delicate. He so wanted to be rubbed by those strong and smooth hands. Mark thinking of the heat of those hands on him made it uncomfortable to sit still in his office. He was nearly erect now. He began to imagine the washed out eyes and the quizzical looks that Bryan often shot him. How Bryan stood, often, with his feet wide apart and how he chuckled when he laughed. The laughter was kind of boyish but in truth it reflected a playfulness in him that Mark loved. Maybe he better stop? After all he'd gotten so excited once before he ended up with a wet spot on his clothes. He "dreamed" about Bryan for more than an hour that day and the fluids simply leaked through. Lucky to have worn a long shirt that day.

Trying to focus on something else was not easy. He'd given it lots of thought and the best thing to do, girlfriend or not, where Bryan was concerned was to tell him the truth. After all his live-in girlfriend often left Bryan and Mark alone and she did not seem too attentive to their time together. Several times while joking Bryan had said things that made it clear he knew the truth. Bryan knew and awaited only a cue from Mark to begin the affair. But then his Friend would turn right around a shut him down with some other statement or situation that made it clear he did not know or understand the gravity of feelings Mark held. All that would end today. Mark would tell Bryan how he was feeling. How he wanted to press his lips to his and feel the warmth of them. How he longed to feel their tongues touch. The mere thought of it brought anxiety and warmth. He really did love him and today he would tell him so. It was going to happen. Right?

Finally the shift ended. Mark took off quickly to the parking lot. The car sped him home. Bryan lived about ten miles from him and traveling to Bryan's would have been closer from work but Mark needed a shower first. Once home he stripped down and started the water. His penis was still hard. He took the soap in his hand and began to shower. Nagging him was visions of Bryan. How would his friend respond. In the act of washing the erection disappeared. But the feelings did not...they never went away. Mark dressed and put on some cologne. He took a deep breath and headed out the door.

The drive went faster than usual. He was both excited and worried and in no time was at the house. The girlfriend would working right now and Bryan's car was in the drive. Mark got out of the car, sweating just a little, and headed to the door. Each step up to the porch made each other step easier. Now in front of the door...behind the door the object of his affections. Mark took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. A shock went through him as he realized he could not turn back now. Bryan opened the door. "Hey, buddy come on in."

To be continued...